176 days later
Plus one week
I really had no particular goal in mind when I started doing push-ups.
I decided to take a break because my shoulder hurt.
One of the things that has helped me this last week is revisiting the Marvel Cinematic Universe, starting with Iron-Man, to prep for Avengers:Infinity War coming out next month.
I have nothing clever to say today.
I can feel the tendrils of self-doubt burrowing through me.
I have nothing to say.
But I’m going to post it anyway.
On the 4th or 5th day of push-ups, way back in late September 2017, I thought of giving up.
I switched to writing for my Blog, phantomofthecloset.com because it was a way of exercising my writing muscles. It challenges me to be creative and it’s not heavily promoted on FB so I can’t really look for likes and encouragement. I have to treat it as if no one is reading it. I want to learn to wean myself off the like addiction of social media, especially Facebook.
Blogging is the new push-ups.
I can check google analytics to see if people are actually clicking on the article, but I don’t get the immediate satisfaction of Facebook likes and comments.
I am a recovering Facebook addict. There, I said it.
I crave “likes”, like Meth-heads crave Meth. For someone with low self-esteem, like me, and suffers from anxiety, like me, the immediacy of judgement is intoxicating. Likes and/or comments from people I admire or look up to, cause an endorphin volcano in my mind. Conversely, a lack of “likes” spirals me out in a whirlpool of depression.
I am not proud of this.
There are plenty of articles going around about how to reduce the amount of tracking and data-mining FB can do to you. I plan on reading one sometime.
Here is what I did to reduce my FB addiction.
I deleted it from my phone and my tablet.
I can always log in to FB with a browser, but I found that not getting the constant updates was freeing.
Other benefits include, better battery life, less tracking, more peace, and less comparing my life to everyone else’s.
Try it.
