The Scenic Route: Day 19

Bittersweet Anniversaries 

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I saw myself on tv tonight. 

Aside from looking like a slightly overweight vagrant, I managed to string a few coherent words together.

I’ll put a link here if it’s available online.

Ed Piskor is awesome. 

It’s too late in the day for me to be clever or thoughtful. Just like when I used to do push-ups, it is harder to do it later in the day. My muscles were already tired and I rushed through them as fast as I could. I think that’s how I hurt my shoulder. 

This is my 19th day of writing consecutively. It would be nice to make it to 20 at least.

Tomorrow is my brother’s, in-law’s 50th wedding anniversary. I’m taking Mom down to Uniontown for the party. It must be bittersweet for Mom considering it would have been her 50th wedding anniversary this year as well. 

This last Valentines Day would have been their golden anniversary. 

I’m happy my sister-in-law still has both her parents, but I am a little envious. This year is the 10th anniversary of my Dad’s passing. 

Mom and I will both put on a good face, and be as witty and clever as possible. 

I’ll imagine my Dad there, trying to embarrass Mom with his slightly crude, but relatively intellectual jokes, that would go over the heads of most of the Uniontown party guests. I remember Mom would occationally give him a cautious stare at parties when his jokes went a bit too far. 

I will do my best to embarrass her for him.

I know what he would say. I can hear what I think he would say, in my head. I know he would be laughing at his own jokes, louder and harder than anyone else. Dad always came with his own laugh track.  He was his best audience.

I certainly didn’t acquire his self-esteem. 

But that’s what this exercise is all about, pushing through, despite my inner cynic fatiguing my mind. 

Pushing past the constant inner-criticism is a struggle, but ultimately worth it.

Dad would think so.

© 2014